


Underneath It All

by leavinghope



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, Missing Scene, Nomad Steve Rogers, Pining, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 16:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18123821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavinghope/pseuds/leavinghope
Summary: Wanda Maximoff overheard the sounds of Steve Rogers having a nightmare, the vision she sent to him to hurt him years ago. Perhaps it was finally time to talk about it.





	Underneath It All

Wanda Maximoff slowly blinked to awareness. It was the middle of the night, and she had been asleep in one of the two bedrooms in their current safe house. It was a smallflat above a restaurant just off Carnaby Street in Soho.She could hear the sounds of the rubbish being picked up from the street and thought that was what had awoken her. But as her eyes focused on the harsh blue LEDs shining 03:28 on the clock, she heard a soft moan from the next room. She opened her mind a little, not so much to invade as to receive, and the sound of music and sight of the beautiful woman in the bluedress entered her head. Steve was dreaming, but not just any dream. It was a nightmare Wanda had forced upon him.

Her stomach clinched with guilt.She had received forgiveness from the team, _her_ teammates, once they came together. Clint had helped her understand the depth of wrongness of her actions, through his experience of a similar intrusion and feelings of powerlessness. Wanda had talked through the visions with Natasha, Thor, and Tony when she had apologized to them individually. Natasha recognized her anger over the loss of her childhood and her agency, Thor already understood his guilt about being away from Asgard for long periods of time, and Tony would always feel the burden of responsibility for the Avengers. ]Steve, in contrast, had only ever smiled and willingly, quickly, too easily bestowed his absolution and avoided the subject.

Wanda knew better than to enter his room to wake up a super soldier suffering from a bad dream, even with good intentions. She walked to the bathroom, making enough incidental noise to wake Steve from his sleep, she hoped. When she returned to her bed, she no longer sensed the dream. That would have to be enough for the night, but she was determined to finally have the necessary talk with Steve in the light of day.

By the time Wanda woke up and showered in the morning, Steve had eaten breakfast and was seated at a small woodentable which had seen better days, adim desk lamp the only illumination in the room. He wore earbuds and was typing steadily on his laptop. He acknowledged her with a wave as she entered the room, but did not invite conversation.

She leaned against the counter of the kitchenette, eating yogurt and sipping coffee. The curtains were drawn so the tenants in the neighboring flats and businesses could not see Captain America and Scarlet Witch. The two of them were in London alone. Natasha and Sam were scouting a possible Hydra cell in Poland and would be joining them the next day. Wanda would then say she wanted time to herself, but everyone would know she planned to meet Vision when she travelled to Edinburgh the following weekend.If she wanted to talk to Steve, the time was now.

She waved her hands to draw his attention, and after he removed his earbuds, she asked, “Do you have a moment for me, Steve?”

“Of course.” Steve gestured at the chair across from him. He smiled at Wanda, but it did not reach his eyes, which had deep circles underneath them. Steve did not need much sleep, and for the lack of it to show this obviously, he must not have slept well in many days. This gave Wanda an easy entry point for their conversation. Instead of sitting, she paused with her hands on the back of the chair.

“Rough night?”

Steve looked at her and sighed. “I’m sorry. I heard you get up. Did I wake you?”

“Yes.” Wanda reached over to pat his hand. “It’s okay. I wanted to know if I could help.”

“I’m fine.”

“Steve, I know it was a nightmare of the vision I sent to you.”

He must have heard the shame in her voice. “I’ve forgiven you. You know that.”

The way he emphasized _you_ made Wanda say, “But there is something about the dream you have not forgiven yourself for.”

“It wasn’t a dream. It was a memory.” Steve paused for a moment, eyes evading hers. “Could you see the vision?”

“Yes.”

“That dance hall wasn’t far from here.”He waved a hand towards the darkened windows. “Just a short walk that way, about halfway between here and the War Rooms. Being in London brings back a lot of memories.”

“And that night, that memory, it haunts you?”

Steve simply nodded his answer.

Wanda realized she had a way to ease his pain, but was not sure he would accept her offer. After all he had done for her, she knew she had to try. “Would revisiting that night help you at all?”

Steven snorted. “Apparently not.”

“Not in a dream. Watching the memory.”

Steve finally looked directly at her. “You could help me do that?”

“Yes.”

Steve appeared be giving her offer serious consideration. After a few moments, he asked, “Would you see it, too?”

“Yes.” Wanda winced slightly, thinking the invasion of privacy would be a deal-breaker, but instead Steve seemed relieved.

As ever ready for action once he had made a decision, Steve said, “When can we start?”

“Whenever you wish.”

“Let’s do it now before I lose my nerve.”

Wanda hid her surprise and walked over to the tattered, yet comfortable sofa. “Sit next to me.”

She felt the slight dip of the sofa as Steve sat down, a polite distance away from her. His nervousness showed in the way he arranged the throw pillow next to him. Once he settled, Wanda lifted her right hand and strands of red light appeared. “This won’t cause any physical pain.”

“Should I, uh, close my eyes or something?”

That morning, Steve was wearing a long-sleeved blue t-shirt and soft gray sweat pants. For all that Wanda felt old beyond her years, this man next to her looked so very young despite his century of life. Wanda smiled at the strongest, kindest man she had ever known. “Rest back against the cushion.” He did as she directed. “Good. Relax, if you can. Close your eyes, if you prefer.”

“I should warn you, I’m not good at relaxing.”

“Everybody knows that, Steve.”

He exhaled deeply, closed his eyes, and nodded once. Wanda extended tendrils of light towards his head. More easily than she would have predicted, she was standing in the dance hall with Steve.

Two Steves, more precisely. Her friend from the twenty-first century and World War II Steve, who was standing in front of the woman in the blue dress. Wanda felt a gentle flow of warmth and affection. She was experiencing Steve’s emotions as he viewed himself with the woman.

“She’s beautiful.”

Steve turned to Wanda, as if startled to see her there. “She’s Peggy Carter.”

“Oh.” Wanda observed the woman with greater interest. She was aware of the legendary founder of SHIELD.Photographs could not fully convey the vibrancy and strength Peggy displayed in person. “Did you love her?”

“Yes. Well, I mean, we never had the time to really find out if what we felt was love, with the war going on and all. But I think I could have loved her, could have had a future with her.” Steve smiled wistfully. “She’s just about to ask me to dance.”

Once again, Wanda was consumed with guilt. “I am sorry I used my powers to mock you with that.”

Steve looked down at his feet. The memory was not yet in motion, rather a frame from a movie so far. Wanda was about to ask if he wanted to begin when he said, “The reason your vision sticks with me is it wasn’t quite right.”

“Sorry?”

“And I can’t be sure why until I see it play through.” Steve brought his eyes up to Wanda’s, and she steeled herself to not flinch against his intensity. “How much of what we see will be real?”

“I’m accessing your episodic memory directly from your neocortex. How much of it has been altered by you revisiting it over the years will be harder to say, but with your eidetic abilities, this will likely be very close to exact playback.”

“I haven’t let myself think about this night in seventy years.” Steve turned back to look at his younger self and Peggy. “Let’s get this started.”

“Set the stage for me first.”

“We were on leave in London. Kinda. The Howling Commandos were here waiting for the intel leading to our next operation. Instead of cold tents in the mud, we had rooms in the boardinghouse next door, and our nights were our own. It was as close to having leave as we ever got.”

Wanda allowed the memory to play. Music and laughter filled the air. People were dancing all around them. The sounds of people seeking happiness during a time of strife faded until a confident voice could break through.

“Looks like we finally have our chance.” Peggy extended a hand out to Steve. “Dance with me?”

Dashing and attractive in his dress uniform, Steve ducked his head with shyness. Wanda could tell he wanted to say yes to Peggy, but first he looked towards the back of the room. Wanda and Steve followed his gaze, to where it landed upon Bucky Barnes.

Suddenly Wanda felt compassion, nostalgia, anger, guilt, need, love, hunger, desire … If what Steve felt for Peggy had been the soothing, steady trickle of a mountain stream, what he felt for Bucky had the force of a stormy sea. His emotional tumult caused her to react physically, widening her stance to brace herself against the outflow of his emotions **.** Wanda had no idea Steve had such strong feelings for Bucky. Friendship, yes, and a brotherly bond, but this was more.

Bucky was leaning against the wall, beer in hand. Like Steve, he was handsome in his dress uniform.However, knowing what had happened to Bucky during the war, Wanda could see the hints of it even here: more reserved than confident, the barest hint of torment in his eyes, the way his posture suggested a distance from the events around him.

Bucky raised his eyebrows and nodded encouragingly to Steve. When Steve continued to look at him, Bucky smiled at Steve, but it was a smile that held pain in its core. After setting his mostly full mug down on a nearby table, Bucky nodded one more time and left the hall.

The Steve at Wanda’s side kept his eyes on the doorway where Bucky had gone, while Wanda turned back to Peggy and Steve.

“I’m sorry, Peggy. I need to make sure Bucky is okay.”

Peggy lowered her hand back to her side. “I see.”

Steve babbled an explanation. “He loves to dance. I’m worried about him because he left. He never turns down the opportunity to dance.”

“Of course. You should check on your friend.”

“He has always taken care of me. He’s…” Steve trailed off, and Wanda noticed her Steve was watching himself struggle and fail to find the right words to describe Bucky.

“Go, Steve. We’ll get our dance someday.”

“Thank you, Peggy.”

The memory stopped, the moment frozen in time as Steve turned from Peggy to rush after Bucky.Regret emanated from the man at Wanda’s side.

Although no longer sure of her conclusion, Wanda ventured her earliest guess of what this night symbolized for Steve. “This is what your vision meant. Youregretted missing your chance with Peggy, missing the future you could have had together.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I mean, that isn’t _not_ true, but…” Steve shook his head.“The night isn’t over.”

“Shall we continue?”

“This is when I always wake up. I broke free of your vision here, and every night I wake up here.” Steve murmured so she could barely hear. “I have to see this through.”

The dance hall faded and was replaced by a small, sparely furnished room. Wanda realized they were in the boardinghouse next to the dance hall.Bucky sat on one of the two narrow beds, still in his uniform, elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. Steve gasped. Wanda froze the memory to allow him time to compose himself. “We don’t have to do this, Steve.”

“It’s just… this is exactly how he looked when I walked through that door.”

Wanda touched his elbow. “It is your memory, Steve. Of course, he looks the same.”

“I never let myself remember this far. Not even in my dreams.” Steve’s voice trembled.

“Steve…”

“I need to see. I need to know.”

Bucky looked up when Steve entered the room. “Sorry, Steve. I can leave. I thought you and Carter would go to hers.”

“What?” Wanda almost laughed at how scandalized Steve sounded. “No. I came back to check on you. You left without dancing.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Steve, what are you thinking? You have a beautiful woman who wants to make time with you. You feel the same for her. Go back to her. I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you are.”

Bucky sat up straight, defensiveness written in his body language. “Do you have a problem with my performance, Captain?”

“Don’t be like that, Bucky. I’m speaking as your best friend here.” From the frustration in his voice, Wanda suspected this was not the first time Steve had tried to talk to Bucky about his state of mind.

“Well, what I want for my best friend is for him to be happy, and you finally have a chance for that with Carter.” Bucky stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m glad you have her, pal. You have someone who sees you the way I’ve always seen you.”

Looking absolutely anywhere but at Bucky himself, Steve said, “You make it sound like she’s replacing you. Nobody could take your place, Buck.”

“You have someone you can make a future with when you go home.”

“I already had that. You and I, we’re going home together.”

“I don’t think so.”

The Steve at Wanda’s side tensed as the dream version begged, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. You finding me in Azzano was my one miracle,Steve **.** And I’m so grateful I had more time with you.”

“Please, Bucky, what’s wrong? Tell me.”

Bucky walked over until he was standing right in front of Steve, his words fast and desperate. “You just make it through this, you go home. You marry Carter and have a whole pack of kids. That’s all you wanted growing up, a big family.”

“But you’re supposed to be there with me. The house next door, with your own wife and kids, remember?Both of us teaching them how to play baseball in the summer.”

“There was never gonna be a wife and kids for me **.** But I’d have loved to have been an uncle to your children.” Bucky reached out and gently touched Steve’s cheek. “I’d have taken more time with you, any way I could get it.”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled it to his chest. “Stop this. You’re coming home with me. We’re gonna reach the future together. We have our whole lives ahead of us.”

“I feel it in my bones, Steve. I’m not making it out of here. And I think the end is coming sooner than later.” As tears welled up in Steve’s eyes, Bucky said, “And I’m sorry, pal. I know what it feels like to wait for death to take someone you love. I did it enough, all those times you were sick. It doesn’t feel good, does it?”

“What’s bringing this on tonight?” Steve sniffed back tears. “Please.”

Bucky pulled his hand away from Steve’s and backed away a step. Eyes cast down and hands in his pockets, he said, “I haven’t felt right since Azzano. The docs can’t find anything, but I know. Whatever Zola did to me, it itches under my skin. I know something is wrong. And seeing you with Carter tonight showed me you’ll be okay when I die.”

“Stop!” Steve took in deep gulps of air, then whispered, “I would not survive it if you died, Bucky.”

With a sad smile, Bucky responded, “But you will. You don’t need me anymore. You have someone who is good for you, who can love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

Both men quieted. Bucky was obviously struggling with what he wanted to say next. Steve was harder for Wanda to read, the man in front of her and the man by her side. Both were in turmoil, too many emotions flooding through them to distinguish each separately. But one stood out… deep, persistent feeling of loss.Wanda understood loss, having also lost loved ones and home, and she had always sympathized, even identified, with Steve’s story. But to have lost Peggy, Bucky, his pre-serum self, his Brooklyn, all that caused the melancholy which pervaded Steve’s every waking, and non-waking, hour.

Bucky finally broke the silence. “Promise to remember me from time to time. Remember I loved you, Steve. Because I do. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Buck.”

“No, pal. I mean I love you, in all the ways a man can love someone.” Bucky kept his eyes on the floor, shoulders hunched as if expecting Steve to strike him.

The Steve beside Wanda automatically reached out to comfort Bucky, and she placed a restraining hand on his arm, concerned he would break through the memory. The Steve in front of them said, “Why?”

“Why?” Bucky let out a disbelieving bark of laughter. “I tell you I love you, which could get us both arrested or worse, and you just want to know why?”

“But you could have anyone you wanted?” Steve’s voice was confused and timid. Wanda ached for him. She ached for them both.

Bucky kept his eyes cast down.“I’ve only ever wanted you since I was sixteen years old. All those girls were attempts to get over you.” Bucky’s mouth twisted in a humorless smile. “Never worked.”

“Good.”

Bucky looked back up at Steve then, flicker of hope in his eyes. “Steve?”

His eyes blazing with a life Wanda had never witnessed in them before, Steve took a step forward. “Yeah, Buck.”

With his right hand, Bucky clasped the nape of Steve’s neck. He guided Steve closer until their foreheads touched, their breaths mingled. He paused, clearly waiting for Steve to make the decision. And Steve finally did, bringing his hand up to touch Bucky’s face, to run his hand along that strong jawline. Bucky tilted his head, nuzzling Steve’s nose with his own, and Steve leaned into the motion, but just as their mouths were about to touch, there was a knock on the door.

The two men jumped apart, and Steve called out, “Come in.”

Gabe Jones walked in. “MI6scored the information we need. Phillips wants to brief you immediately, Cap. He’s waiting in the War Rooms.”

“Tell him I’ll be there in an hour.”

“He said fifteen minutes.” Gabe looked at Bucky, then back at Steve. “Sorry, Cap. Sarge.”

After Gabe left the room, Steve and Bucky both remained still. The web of intimacy had been disrupted, and the fragile threads could not be spun together again so quickly.

Eventually, Bucky sighed. “Duty calls, Captain.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“Me, either. But I know you have to go.”

Steve nodded and turned towards the door.

“Steve.”

Steve stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He turned to Bucky and answered his unspoken question. “We’ll finish this, Buck. I promise. After the mission, we’ll pick up right where we left off.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Till the end of the line, right?” There was still a caution to Steve, like he could not believe the events of the previous fifteen minutes had happened.

Bucky smiled at Steve, his face full of love. “Till the end of the line, pal.”

The memory faded, and Wanda and Steve were once again on the sofa in the flat on Carnaby Street. Wanda sat silently, waiting for Steve to speak.

“What did you see, Wanda? Please tell me what you saw. I need an unbiased perspective.”

Wanda attempted to be as plain as possible, although her heart was breaking for the man at her side. “I saw two best friends who realized they both wanted to be more, but who were interrupted before they could begin.”

“Did he really almost kiss me?”

Wanda could not help but tease Steve a little. “Looked to me like you were about to kiss him.”

Steve chuckled. “I can’t remember ever being that brave.”

“So, what happened later?”

“Within hours, we shipped out on our mission to commandeer a train and capture Armin Zola. The mission when Bucky fell.” Steve let out a single sob. “When I let him fall.”

Wanda watched Steve struggle to keep back tears. She thought of how she felt when she had lost Pietro, how helpless and yet responsible. Telling Steve he could not have prevented what happened to Bucky would not help, because people had been telling him that since the day it happened over seventy years ago.So much pain associated with one night. The loss of two possible futures. The loss of the two people Steve cared about most. One was a story that lived on in history books, the other a secret buried deep enough for Steve himself to doubt its very existence.

“You managed to hide the truth of this night from me, even when I wanted to hurt you the most.” Wanda murmured wonderingly. “Because you were hiding it so desperately from yourself.”

“I didn’t allow myself to think about it after he… and then when I woke up from the ice, I tried to avoid thinking about Bucky at all. It was too painful.” He looked up at her sheepishly. “That’s the real reason I moved to DC. Even with all of its changes, New York was still so wrapped up in memories of him.”

“But he’s back now.”

“He says he remembers everything, and I believe him. But he’s never mentioned this.What if…”

“The sight and sound of you brought Bucky Barnes back to the world. His love for you survived decades of torture, not to mention the repeated, intentional erasure of you.”

At Steve’s silence, Wanda continued to persuade him. “As someone who was once one of the bad guys myself, let me just say this. It is difficult to think you deserve something good when you know you have done such horrible things. It might just be he does not think he **i** s worthy of being loved by you.”

A flicker of recognition passed across Steve’s face, and Wanda knew he was remembering something Bucky said that resonated with this sentiment. He walked over to one of the few windows, pushed the curtains slightly aside, and looked out into the London daylight. Wanda caught a glimpse of a rainbow flag on the building across the street. Steve sighed wistfully. “I could be with him now. We could walk down this street, holding hands, and it would be okay.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

Steve continued to observe the street below.

Wanda could not believe his hesitation. “After all the two of you have been through, after fighting so hard to get each other back, do you think telling him you love him would be what broke you apart?When nothing else could?”

“How can I force this on him if he doesn’t want to talk about it.Bucky deserves to make his own choices after having his agency stripped from him for so long.”

Wanda walked over to stand by his side. “But what if he doesn’t believe this choice is available to him? Maybe this is an open door he thinks is locked to him forever?”

Steve absorbed what she said, the truth of what she said.

“The ball is in your court, Captain.”

“Never been good at sports, I’m afraid.”

“But you’ve been the world’s leading expert at loving Bucky Barnes for a long time.”Wanda lightly touched her hand to his bicep. “You’ll be fine, better than fine. Trust me.”

“I do.” Steve placed his hand over hers and squeezed it. His voice was fond when he said, “And thank you for helping me relive that night. I almost believed I had dreamed it.”

“It was my privilege.” Wanda hurried to assure him. “I promise, I will never tell anyone what I witnessed.”

“It never occurred to me that you would.”

Wanda threw her arms around him in a strong hug. “And that’s why we all love you, Steve.”

Steve returned the hug after a moment. Wanda was amused, as always, by Steve’s surprise over the esteem his teammates had for him. As their leader, he expected their loyalty, but never seemed to anticipate their affection. She thought of how much Bucky had loved Steve, long before he was Captain America, and how precious their friendshipmust have been to someone as perennially lonely as Steve. She remembered how Vision offered her companionship when everyone else was afraid of her, and she empathized deeply with Steve, past and present.

“Call Vision.” Steve interrupted her thoughts. He leaned back and squeezed her shoulders before letting go. “I don’t need your powers to know you’re thinking about him right now.”

“I can’t help but feel the need to conceal our relationship from all of you. It’s like I’m fraternizing with the enemy.”

“He isn’t the enemy. None of them are. Not Vision, not Rhodes, not Tony… none of them.” Steve ran a hand through this hair. “We all want the same thing, to do good in this world, but we disagree on how best to make it happen. Doesn’t make us enemies.”

“But you’re on the run because…”

“Wanda, this was always going to happen. Ever since we found out SHIELD was a lie, I knew I would eventually be considered a rogue threat, because nobody could be sure where my allegiance lies.”

“Vision makes it seem like the decision should be more clear. I don’t agree with him, but I still can’t stay away from him.”

“We love who we love, and if we’re lucky, they share our feelings and share our lives.” Steve reassured her.“I’d never want to keep you from him.”

“It’s just…” Wanda looked up at Steve. “He sees me. Not the Scarlet Witch, not the woman with powers to fear. Just me.”

Steve shot a crooked grin her way. “I understand a bit about that.”

“You do.”Then she felt compelled to tease him. “And if I go call Vision, will you call Bucky?”

“We talk every day.” Steve blushed. Wanda was delighted.“We text pretty much all the time, too.”

“Do you say the things that matter?”

“Yeah, we do. We may not have talked about that night, but we talk.” Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel more myself than I have since I came out of the ice, with Bucky back in my life.”

“Have you told him you love him?”

“We tell each other every day.”

Wanda was pleased by the admission, the lovely pride in his voice, but pressed on. “How did he say it… _in all the ways a man can love someone_? Do you tell him that?”

His silence was her answer.

“Promise me…, “ Wanda started, but Steve stopped her.

“Wanda, right now I’m promising myself, the next time I’m with him, I’ll let him know.” Steve wrung his hands, betraying his frustration. “It’s been too long since I’ve seen Bucky. I miss him so much it hurts.”

“Quite the confession.”

“Just the truth.” Steve tilted his head towards her bedroom. “Go. Give Vision my regards.”

“Same to Bucky.”

Wanda went back to her room and pulled out her secured tablet. She sent a video chat request to Vision and did not have to wait for long before he answered. He had been experimenting with human forms and was wearing the one Wanda had said was her favorite… slender, but strong, blond, with delicate and kind features. She smiled when she saw him.

His voice was tender and warm as Vision said, “Wanda, it is so good to see you.”

With a renewed sense of how fortunate she was, Wanda replied, “It is good to be seen.”


End file.
